The Douchebaggery That Is New York City.

February 2, 2010 at 2:16 am | Posted in On this journey... | 4 Comments

New York City has become a rich haven for the partying Bro. I am not quite sure when this transition took place, but over the last two years or so, bros have been invading almost every neighborhood in the city, making their obnoxious presence not only alive well, but thriving. When and how did this unfortunate phenomenon start? An even better question: will they ever leave the city?

It is important to understand the ridiculous culture of a bro, as well as signs that you may be dealing with something that cannot be tamed.

First and foremost…baby pink. Men who sport baby pink clothing in any way usually can be categorized as a bro. I’m sorry, but guys, baby pink does not flatter you…nor does it highlight your attributes. It is just plain silly. Perhaps this idea that with ultimate machismo, baby pink is the perfect  balancing accessory. What an awful, cringe-worthy mistake.

Second: Beer Pong. I’ll admit that now and then, the sudden craving to play beer pong consumes our generation, and we have to play. However, the Bro takes it one step further by making sure that beer pong makes its mark at every outing, or else it is not a good time. Romantic dinner for two? Ladies, just make sure you’re ready for post-dinner cans of Bud Light and Red sippy cups, because yes, he IS taking you to a bar that has both of those things.

Bros have taken the romance out of going out to local bars. They are turning this city into a never-ending Frat house, and I am getting sick of it. Bros be warned…if we happen upon an encounter, you can bet your bottom dollar that I won’t be saying “nice shirt”.

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  1. I guess I won’t buy that salmon colored shirt after all. The bros have been around for awhile now and I don’t think they’ll be going away anytime soon. I am alright with brosephs individually, but once they start to congregate in large numbers I prefer to be elsewhere. I’m a dude though, so bros don’t bother me too much; I suppose it must be different for ladies.

    You’re next post should be on guys in girl pants.

  2. […] read Ashely’s post on NYC bro douchebaggery and suggested she do a followup on guys wearing girl’s jeans.  Alex inspired me to watch […]

  3. Ahh, the “salmon” excuse. As far as I can tell pink=salmon and should be reserved for button down professorial types-not polos. There’s something cringe-worthy of the popped collar, half buttoned look.
    :::ugh:::
    That being said, girl pants DEFINITELY are in order. exhibit a: Russell Brand, at all times. Funny only cause he’s a comedian and gangly. But in person, plain wrong!

  4. i believe that you are only now taking notice of the “bro” situation if you feel that they have only now filtered their way into new york’s “local” bars. the “bro” phenomenon has been a timeless one since the dawn of man, and i dare to say have always been prevalent in any metropolitan party/drinking scene.

    since i am not a history major and haven’t really the will the detail the progression of the “bro,” i will only touch briefly upon it before joining you in the argument that pink collared shirts are wholly unpalatable on grown men AND women.

    1800’s-early 1900’s: the cowboy. the epitome of bro. traveled only within the confines of their core group of friends. giving each other nicknames for deeds witnessed mostly in each others company. prone to drunken violence and loutish behavior.

    early 1900’s-1950’s: longshoremen, union construction workers. these men lived to work hard and drink hard. any union man worth his salt packed his local bar with his co-workers and commiserated about how the world was screwing them (despite the gross abuse of power/embezzlement amongst it’s leaders which benefited them more so than anyone else during the time). once again, prone to drunken violence, giving each other nicknames (although less imaginative [i.e. slim, tiny, lefty etc.]) but this time were willing to open their social circles up to more than just a few guys, and terming all other union workers “brother.” the dawn of the “bro” begins.

    1950’s-1980’s: corporate hotshots. from the martini sipping “madmen” types to the j&b on the rocks go-go lifestyle of the 80’s wallstreet broker, this was to become the upper echelon of “bro’s.” These are the men who went to yale, harvard, and other ivy league schools together. wearing the same suits, comparing class rings, and smoke big cigars. this is when wealth became abundant in america and it was no longer just big business names like the rockafellers or the roosevelts who could afford to drop a thousand dollars on one night hotel stay. these men paved the way for what was to become the spoiled frat boy that has personified all that is “bro.” largely considered to be the group that made “high-fiving” socially acceptable amongst grown men.

    1980s-present: the legacy “bro”. everyone whose father/grandfather had worked hard to accomplish and generate small to vast fortunes now believes they are entitled to everything. most noticeably first service at their favorite bar, chanting “shots, shots, shots” (the shots themselves either a combination of drinks which are meant to be drank in a form of sport racing, or simply whatever liquor is currently “in style”). these boys/young adults/pathetically older men who will not relinquish their grasp on their former frathouse days expect one thing: respect. respect for who their father is, what their family owns, or who they may be related to. this is partly due to a small sense of pride in what lot they were given in life, but it is mostly because they have accomplished absolutely nothing during their time on earth.

    as i said prior, “the position being taken is not to be mistaken for attempted education or righteous accusation. only a description, just an observation of the pitiful condition of our degeneration.”

    and now for the pink shirts. pink shirts are the signal flares for brodowns (brodeo’s/broshows). odds are if you see any pastel colored polo shirt and you are looking for a peaceful evening, i would suggest going elsewhere, as we all know that “bro’s” love attention and henceforth act out in manners to garner said attention in anyway possible. these methods include but are not limited to the following:

    -yelling out each other’s nickname or simply the word “bro”

    -slamming their empty beer bottles/glasses on tables so as to alert the room that they have just finished their alcoholic beverage (sometimes accompanied with the shouting of the tallied number of how many alcoholic beverages they have completed drinking).

    -overtly loud high-fives.

    -loudly detailing the workout regimen they participated in earlier in the day, possibly discussing “massive gains.”

    -calling each other “nigga” (unless a black male is around).

    -making sure that whoever is on the other end of their phone call knows exactly which bar they are currently in, and how many chicks are in said bar.

    -and last but not least, discussing the next time they are going to see the dave matthews band at madison square garden.

    and now, Ashley is saying that she is noticing a large influx of “bro’s” in her favorite haunts and local hotspots. and as i argued before that the “bro” has always been around, she may be right in the fact that “bro’s” are becoming more visible because media has made it ok to be all the bro you can be. movies like i love you man, the 40 year old virgin, and american pie; television shows like how i met your mother, two and a half men, have all made “bro-ing” down a celebrated event. and as the old adage goes: “monkey see, monkey do.”

    but before i end this response, and before we all go casting stones at “bro’s,” consider what culture/subculture someone may affiliate yourself with. and realize that you you may be the thorn in the an others side. maintain the peace in two-thousand-ten.


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